Dealing with Sharing Challenges: A Gentle Approach
When I was growing up, I had to share many things with my siblings, but my parents made it clear that it was the responsibility of the visitor to bring their own toys and books to entertain their child. No other children were allowed to sleep over, and visits were usually brief, lasting only a few hours. Our reasoning behind this was twofold: first, children have a habit of breaking things, and second, it was not our responsibility to manage other children's behavior during their visit.
My Advice: Let the Girl Be
As a non-expert in child rearing, my advice is simple: let her be. Protecting a valuable or special toy, such as a dollhouse, can sometimes stem from very innocent reasons. There may be no need to punish her. Instead, consider using the opportunity to foster understanding and empathy through reasoning and play.
Understanding the Reasons Behind Sharing Challenges
When a child protects a toy, it could be due to several reasons. Perhaps she is being selfish, or perhaps the toy has a special place in her heart, maybe from a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent who told her it was unique and for her only. It's important to query her to understand her motivation behind her actions. Interrogating why she is acting this way can help you tailor your approach accordingly.
Instilling the Value of Sharing
I have tried to instill this value in the children that I have had in my life, ranging from my son and his friends in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. The key message is that sharing is caring, and objects have value only when we give them value. The material worth of an object is not the determining factor; what is truly valuable is the way it impacts our relationships and the experiences it brings.
A Lesson From My Past: Teaching the Value of Value
Years ago, when I could still work with children, I led a group of Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts with their parents in a regular meeting. One of the boys was showing off a 1/2 oz gold piece he wore around his neck. Almost every kid inquired about the cost or worth. To broaden their understanding of value, I changed the meeting's focus to the concept of value versus what society teaches.
I borrowed a $20 bill, a watch, and asked for a volunteer from the group. I first held up the $20 bill and asked how much it was worth. The children replied, "Twenty dollars." I responded, "It is worth nothing. " The room erupted in discussion. I then held up the watch, asking the same question. Though their answers varied, my response was the same: "It is worthless." The boy's father, clearly agitated, but I continued.
I placed my hand on the boy volunteer's shoulder and said, "This [pointing to his head] is priceless because it provides value for everything on the table. The $20 bill has value because we give it value. The watch is valuable because of the knowledge and skills of the minds that made it. The gold is valuable because we give it value, but nothing is more valuable without the mind."
The father of the boy with the gold coin said, "I actually learned something tonight." For me, it was a mission accomplished. This long-winded explanation was to illustrate that objects’ value is only what we give them. The dollhouse may have value because your granddaughter has given it value through important personal associations or experiences. Understanding this can help you foster a gentle and agile approach to her actions.
Ultimately, it’s important to focus on positive reinforcement and understanding rather than punishment. Furthermore, get involved in age-appropriate activities that promote sharing and empathy, such as storytelling, craft making, and cooperative games. These activities can help reinforce the lesson that sharing is not only a social good but a personal virtue that grows empathy and kindness in children.
By adopting a gentle, thoughtful, and empathetic approach, you can help your granddaughter navigate her feelings about the dollhouse while reinforcing positive behaviors and values.