Dealing with a Mother Who Doesn’t Clean the House: A Comprehensive Guide
If your mother is not cleaning the house and it is causing concern for you, there are several steps you can take to address the situation. This comprehensive guide outlines the steps you can follow while maintaining empathy and understanding.
1. Communicate Openly
Creating an open and respectful conversation is the first step. Use a non-confrontational tone and avoid blaming. Express your concerns about the cleanliness and ask if there is a reason for the lack of cleaning. It could be that she feels overwhelmed, lacks resources, or has complex feelings or mental health issues. Understanding her perspective can help you find a solution.
2. Offer Help
When a person feels overwhelmed, offering help can be very effective. Suggest specific cleaning tasks and offer to do them together. Cleaner, more manageable tasks can make the process feel less daunting. Collaboration can also help build a stronger relationship and a sense of teamwork.
3. Set a Cleaning Schedule
Developing a cleaning schedule can help maintain a clean and organized home. Divide tasks among family members to ensure everyone participates. This shared responsibility can prevent the feeling of being overburdened and can be more effective than leaving the task to one person alone.
4. Inquire About Support
Explore if your mother needs additional support. If she is struggling with other responsibilities or facing stress, consider if she needs help with daily routines or if there are underlying issues that need addressing. She might be dealing with a mental health condition, such as hoarding disorder, that can affect her ability to clean the house effectively.
5. Lead by Example
Cleaning some areas of the house yourself can inspire others to join in. Demonstrating the benefits of a clean living space can motivate your mother to participate. Leading by example can set a positive tone and encourage a healthier environment for everyone.
6. Discuss Priorities
A clean living space can significantly impact overall health and well-being. Discuss the importance of a clean home with your mother. Highlighting the benefits can help her understand the reasons behind your concerns and motivate her to take action.
7. Seek Professional Help
If the situation is severe and affecting everyone’s quality of life, consider discussing the possibility of hiring a cleaning service. Professional help can ensure the house is cleaned thoroughly and can be a temporary solution until your mother addresses the underlying issues.
A Personal Perspective
This issue is unfortunately a personal one that I have faced. My husband and I have been dealing with this issue for a long time. The lack of cleaning was causing significant damage to our home, including the presence of mold and the fact that items were being stored in unsanitary conditions. She has been an extreme hoarder, filling bathtubs with dirty dishes and leaving them on the floor. We found a significant amount of rotten food in her refrigerators and freezers, and the doors were unable to close. She had also been sleeping on a mattress that had a rat hole, and the sheets were worn off. The situation escalated to a point where I had to clean out and organize the entire house over a month. She had severe mental health issues, had experienced strokes, and had been oxygen-deprived for eight hours. She would get angry, mean, and even try to hit me or use vulgar language when I tried to help her. She has tried to damage my reputation and lie about my intentions. This experience made it clear that I cannot invest my time or energy into helping someone who is unwilling to change or acknowledges the problem. Therefore, I strongly recommend calling in professional help from social services, the fire marshal, and the local health department to address the issue. Taking pictures, keeping notes, and recording everything can provide important evidence in case legal action becomes necessary.
Conclusion
Approaching the situation with empathy and understanding is crucial, but it is also necessary to recognize when the issue requires professional intervention. Taking steps to address the situation calmly and with compassion can help both you and your mother find a solution that benefits everyone involved.