Empathy and Support: A Father’s Journey When His Gay Son Comes Out
For many fathers, the day their child comes out as gay can be a mix of emotions. However, undeniable pride and a deepening of the father-son bond are often the most distinguishing feelings. Here, we explore the genuine experience of a father who faced this challenge and navigated it with grace and understanding.
My Personal Experience
I have three adult sons, and the experience of my youngest coming out has been profoundly formative. My first inkling came when I entered his room to do laundry. Instead of finding my 12-year-old son as I expected, I found him and his 15-year-old brother on the bed, cuddling. This was pre-acceptance era, around 1988 or 1989, when the attitude towards the gay lifestyle was vastly different. However, I maintained my composure and said, ‘I just came in to put your clothes away. I’ll put them on your dresser, and you can watch your brother for a bit while I go for a walk. ’
Walking after dealing with escalated behavior is my cooling-off method, but on that occasion, it was more about getting over my initial embarrassment. Upon returning, I found the boys sitting on the couch. My oldest, Bobby, blurted out, 'Dad, I’m gay.' To my surprise, my youngest, Kevin, chimed in, 'No, Dad, I’m the one that is gay.' I assured them, 'I love you both, no matter what you are.' Seeing Kevin start to break down, I picked him up, and he let Bobby hug me as well. In that moment, my love for both of them remained unwavering.
Support and Love
Coming out can be a daunting and potentially devastating process. What my son most needed from me was unwavering support and unconditional love. I would feel immense pride in my son for confiding in me, reassured that our relationship was strong enough to endure such a vulnerable moment. While I would be slightly disappointed about the absence of grandchildren, which is a selfish thought, I wouldn’t allow this to diminish my love for him.
Protection and Guidance
Furthermore, I would make it my priority to protect and guide my son. It’s vital to point out that there are organizations like PFLAG and GLSEN that offer support and information to help navigate this journey. Organizations like these can also offer a supportive community and advice on dealing with the fallout from the Big Q.
For instance, in the case of Kevin, coming out meant more than just personal identity. It also involved advocating for his friend Peter. When Peter’s parents reacted harshly and kicked him out, we did everything we could to support him. Eventually, we adopted Peter, showing our unwavering commitment to him. This experience reinforced my belief that love and support can transcend any challenges or obstacles.
Conclusion
Overall, a father’s reaction to his gay son coming out comes down to the core values that define him and his relationship with his son. While pride, disappointment, and love are the primary emotions, it’s crucial to maintain a supportive and non-judgmental stance. Being a friend, advisor, and protector is key to nurturing a strong and healthy relationship.