Freeloaders in Friendship: A Journey Through Friendship

Freeloaders are a common phenomenon in friendships, causing resentment and exploitation. From a young age, we are exposed to these characters, learning to navigate their impact on our relationships and lives. In this article, we explore the dynamics of freeloaders in friendship and offer insights on how to handle such situations.

Hanging Around with Freeloaders

Remember the days when you had a friend who seemingly always needed someone to “hang around”? My friend and her husband had visitors every afternoon, and these visits extended until “supper time”. It’s a familiar story. We’ve all encountered these individuals, some as young as 16 when we first met them. Over the years, these freeloaders can be persistent, demanding more from their friends without reciprocating, sometimes in more subtle ways.

Financial Freeloaders

There’s a particular type of freeloader that really gets my ‘goolies’: those who refuse to get a driver's license. When their friends want to go somewhere, they call, asking to be picked up, taken along, and dropped off. It’s a pattern often repeated, with friends wondering why they are being taken advantage of.

Take, for instance, the story of gift-giving. On one occasion, I gifted a small crossbody handbag to a friend for Christmas. After that, she began demanding a larger one. It was at this point that I started to notice her behavior more closely. But there’s another layer to it – the financial aspect. During a trip to the nearest duty-free shop via my passport, she needed dollars to pay. Despite my willingness to cover the expense, she never repaid me, despite persistent reminders. This is just one of many examples of financial freeloading.

Challenging Exploitation

The freeloaders who refuse to acknowledge their actions are the most infuriating. They often use manipulation and emotional blackmail to continue their exploitation. If you’re dealing with such a person, it’s important to address the issue rather than ignoring it.

For example, a 27-year friendship ended this year because of a friend’s refusal to engage with the reality of her freeloading behavior. She recently texted me, shouting at me for judging her. In a calm response, I highlighted her recent attempts to manipulate me, showing how she avoided truth, sought pity, and ultimately asked for something from me. She acknowledged that she never asked directly, but her actions were manipulative.

Freeloaders can make you feel resentful. They take without giving in return, and this can be emotionally and mentally draining. It’s crucial to challenge these freeloading behaviors to protect your well-being and relationship health. Whether that means setting clear boundaries or even cutting ties, it’s important to address the issue head-on.

Dealing with Freeloaders

Freeloaders come in different forms, but the common thread is their exploitation of others. While it can be hard to let go, sometimes the best solution is to let them go. It might be challenging, but it’s necessary for your peace of mind and emotional well-being.

Another example of freeloading is found within religious communities. A friend involved in Jehovah’s witnesses faced similar challenges. Her daughter, too, engaged in constant freeloading, standing in the house, trying on items, or asking for them. Both of them were freeloading JWs (Jehovah’s Witnesses).

It’s important to remember that freeloaders don’t just exist in personal relationships; they can also be found in religious or social groups. Addressing these situations requires a clear understanding of the dynamics at play and the ability to communicate your boundaries.

Concluding Thoughts

Freeloaders can be a significant strain on friendships, draining our resources and emotional energy. It’s essential to set boundaries and address the issue directly. By doing so, you can protect your well-being and foster healthier relationships.