Introduction

Dealing with a hoovering ex-narcissist can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. However, the best revenge is not necessarily about getting even; it's about thriving and moving forward. This article will guide you through the steps to take once you realize you're dealing with a hoovering ex-narcissist, and how to move on and heal effectively.

Blocking Your Ex-Narcissist: A Necessary Step

Blocking an ex-narcissist is not just a polite thing to do; it's a strategic move towards reclaiming your life and protecting yourself from their manipulative tactics. Once you block them, you have started to send them a strong message that you are no longer tolerating their behavior. This step is essential because:

It protects you from further emotional and mental distress. It allows you to focus on your goals and personal growth. It shows them that your healing and happiness are more important than their need for control.

Once you block them, make a conscious effort to move on. Focus on your personal and professional goals, engage in activities that bring you joy, and cherish the people who truly care about you.

The Power of Self-Reflection and Responsibility

It is important to take responsibility for the situation you are in. Being hoovered by a narcissist is not only due to their manipulative nature but also partly due to how you may have responded to their behavior. Blaming yourself completely is counterproductive, but recognizing areas where you may have been open or responsive can be beneficial:

Parable: The Man Petting the Tiger

Consider the analogy of someone who accidentally finds themselves in a situation that calls for true caution. Imagine walking into a tiger enclosure and reaching out to pet a tiger. While the tiger's aggression is naturally unpredictable, it is your choice to take that step, and therefore, you bear some responsibility for your outcome. In this case, the tiger is a narcissist, and the "tiger enclosure" is the relationship. Recognize your own choices and actions, and learn to avoid similar scenarios in the future.

Asserting Yourself and Sending Clear Messages

The best revenge may not be about seeking to harm the narcissist. Instead, it involves leading a life that you can be proud of, succeeding in your endeavors, and showing the narcissist that their tactics are ineffective. Some steps you can take to assert yourself include:

Calmly but Firmly Decline: When a narcissist tries to re-establish contact or manipulate you, stand your ground. Clearly state your boundaries and the reasons behind them. For example, if a narcissistic ex-work colleague tries to reconcile, express that the change in circumstances is final and that you have moved on. Save Your Energy: Recognize that trying to outmaneuver a narcissist is a futile effort. Instead, redirect your energy towards self-improvement and personal development. Reacting to their attempts to re-engage is like feeding the fire of negativity; instead, let it extinguish on its own.

Completely Disengaging and Letting Go

The ultimate goal is to completely and permanently remove the narcissist from your life. This involves cutting off all forms of communication and ensuring no access to personal information. Here are some steps you can follow:

No Communication: Make it clear that there will be no more contact, phone calls, texts, or social media interactions. Taking Emotional Control: Letting go emotionally is a crucial step in moving forward. Do not let their behavior or any form of contact affect your self-worth or happiness. Maintaining Positive Energy: Ignoring their attempts to re-establish contact sends a powerful message that you are no longer under their influence. This action alone can disrupt their behavior and may lead to an eventual loss of interest in you.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a hoovering ex-narcissist is undoubtedly difficult, but it is entirely possible to find your way back to a fulfilling life. Remember, the best revenge is not seeking to hurt or harm the other person; it is about finding peace and happiness in your own life. By staying true to yourself, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on your personal growth, you can emerge stronger and more resilient.