Understanding Why a Narcissist Might Keep You Around Even After You Figure Them Out

When you identify a narcissist in your life, it can be a perplexing and unsettling experience. Contrary to what one might initially assume, a narcissist may not choose to end the relationship. In fact, they might continue to hold onto you for several reasons, many of them rooted in their inherent traits and dynamics of supply management. This article delves into the reasons why a narcissist might keep you around and the methods they use to maintain control.

The Convenience Factor

Narcissists view people as means to their ends, not as individuals with value in and of themselves. From their perspective, maintaining a long-term supply is convenient for several reasons:

Sexual companionship: If they are unavailable to seek sexual encounters elsewhere, a long-term supply can fill this void. Financial advantages: Sharing living expenses can be a significant financial benefit, especially if the narcissist is better off financially. Dependency: Children or a household can increase the narcissist's dependence on you, making it difficult for them to leave. Entitlement: Narcissists often believe that they are entitled to resources and that abuse is normal. A compliant supply can provide a steady stream of resources, both emotional and material, without consequences.

Motivation and Gratification

One of the primary reasons narcissists keep you around is to bounce back on you when they are bored or dissatisfied with their current state. After re-idealizing you, they might subtly or directly encourage you to come back into their lives after a brief period of absence. This creates a pattern of emotional dependency and manipulation. Beware— this tactic often results in a worse state than you were in before, physically, emotionally, or both.

Discarding and Maneuvering

Narcissists may hold onto you due to fear and a desire for control. They might monitor your behavior, paying attention to what you say about them or who you try to contact. This is a form of control, and they might use it to manipulate your subsequent actions.

A genuine emotional connection is not a trait of a narcissist. Being deeply infatuated with someone and unable to move on is indicative of love, not narcissism. True love involves reciprocation and a genuine desire to be with someone, not a selfish desire to use them.

The Supply Matrix

Narcissists view their partners through the lens of the 'Supply Matrix,' a concept involving various roles people play in their life. You may be seen as a primary, secondary, or even tertiary supply, depending on the situation. The narcissist functions like a hoover, re-idealizing and reestablishing control over you at various points. This dynamic is cyclical and can be grueling for the individuals involved.

For the narcissist, supply is a necessity, a continuous and immediate need. This is true today, tomorrow, and every day until their death. Their relationship is not about mutual respect or genuine affection; it is about control and the acquisition of resources. The narcissist's use of you, whether you are needed or not, is driven by their inherent need for supply and their belief in their own entitlement.

Further Resources

If you're interested in learning more about narcissistic behaviors and recovery, you might find the following resources helpful:

Scary End of a Narcissist's Life - 5 Disturbing Truths 7 Words That Destroy A Narcissist 3 People Narcissists Cannot Tolerate 9 Tactics a Narcissist Uses to Break You 6 Things That Hurt a Narcissist Forever! 10 Behaviors That Give Supply to a Narcissist The Best Way to Put Narcissists In Their Place 10 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Use to Control You 10 Weird Mannerisms of People Abused By Narcissists 10 Strange Traits of People Mentally Abused By Narcissists 10 Signs of a Person Suffering from C-PTSD Due to Narcissists